WOMEN CHANGING NAMES AFTER MARRIAGE

ON MY MIND: WOMEN CHANGING NAMES AFTER MARRIAGE DIDN'T COME WITH CHRISTIANITY.
 BY
REV. FR. ERNEST MAKATA

I was just arguing with someone that Christianity never requested any married woman to change to her husband's name and he was aghast I could say such things. But it's true! Women changing their last names(Surnames) to that of their husband's came with colonialism and not Christianity. It is the BRITISH CULTURE.

IT IS  NOT EVEN AN IGBO CULTURE FOR WOMEN TO CHANGE THEIR LAST NAMES AFTER MARRIAGE.

In fact, women who wedded in the 70s and even 80s in Nigeria not only lost their maiden surnames but also lost their own first names too, when called together with their husband's in social functions. Thus, couples then were called Mr and Mrs Samuel Makata, using my parents for example. When the woman goes out on a function, she is addressed again as Mrs Samuel Makata, taking my mother for example.

Now, if  you doubt my position, those who are married should go and check the marriage documents issued by the Church at their wedding and see if the woman's surname was ever changed.

I am not against women changing their maiden names to that of the man. No! You can use that and it seems more suitable following popular practice in this case. But knowledge is power. Let us not act out of ignorance or say that the Church says what it didn't say.

Changing maiden names by women after marriage MAY mean submission to the authority of the husband. So, it is encouraged. Even though we know it is not a guarantee of a submissive and obedient married women in the long run.

In many European countries, just like in traditional Igbo culture, happily married women retain their maiden names.

It's good you know this. You can disagree with me with facts anyway. It's an open space.

Here are some comments.

Mathew Ezea said "In Germany for instance,  a woman is asked before church wedding which surname she wishes to bear.  In other words, she is free to retain hers or take up her husband's. This too corroborates your submission that it is not Christianity that brought the culture of women changing their names to those of their husbands"

Ezeugwu Okike said "You are right. Perfectly. I for sure know that it was not the Igbo tradition"

I remember a couple of months back, when we discussed this with Mac Ugo. I am still of the opinion that women retain their median name while adding to it their husband's.

In Mazi Ikechukwu Mamah words "My wife even through wanted to be Oluchi Mamah, still remains Oluchi Ndukwe-Mamah, I insisted".

According to Ijeoma Jovita "In support of your position, my two grand mothers didn't change their surnames. Though women are trying to revert it. By elongation"

Chinwendu Oguoma Fidel commented thus "Thanks Duf, indeed  knowledge is power, l like it when lam addressed by my maiden name".


Chimnonso Paul Ochada said "It is a common practice in Nigeria which I thought  was an article of faith until now. In fact, one needs legal permission to do that in some parts of Italy. According to them, it brings confusion to their records".

In as much as many women do not like this change of maiden name after marriage, Some women like it so that people will know they are already married so they could command that respect  given to married women.


We need to hear your own Opinion.
Feel free to comment.

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Love right
Marry right

STANDARD - TO THE LADIES

TO THE LADIES
Why do you keep comparing your man with that man and a lover you will never have?

That husband you call a MONKEY today was a monkey when he walked you down the aisle. He never changed.

So, Stop!

Don't waste your time gossiping about those couples you compare your marriage to. Don't be a gossip.


Spend your time working on yourself and the way you think.
Study your man.
Try to find out what will make yours a standard. Do it.
Gossip and comparison will never take you there.
What works for the couple next door may not work for you.
BE WISE!

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love right
marry right

STAGES IN RELATIONSHIP: THE EYE OPENER

*****STAGES IN RELATIONSHIP: THE EYE OPENER******

1. PRETENDING OR PERFORMANCE STAGE: this is the first stage. At this stage the both parties are Angels (in quote). We only present our strong character to our partners. This stage is like marketing where you tell and present only good things about your product. Believe me nobody tells you that his or her product is bad or faulty at the beginning. You only get to know when you have finally paid for it and you are at home about to try out your newly bought item. Everybody try their best to display the best behaviour. He calls immediately and you rush to pick up. You are never busy when it is about this partner. You are always online chatting him.
Therefore, in this pretending stage, everything is perfect. The guy is perfect and the lady is flawless but wait until the second stage.

2. STORMY STAGE: this stage is the second stage. This stage is so important that you should study it carefully as it determines the future of your relationship.
Stormy stage is characterized with problems or challenges. The mask from stage one is finally off - he doesn't call you as often as he used to and she no longer picks like before. You have identified his or her flaws. There is doubt everywhere. Everything that make relationships work is under threat or test. You start wondering and might even conclude that the relationship is a big mistake, he/she can't possibly be the special one, you have wasted your time with him/her, etc. The next thing is that you quit. You start to look for somebody else who will automatically take us back to stage one and we continue going round a stage. We forget that this is a different stage. Nobody wants to experience thorns in a relationship. We all want our relationships to be rosy but we need to pass through this stage to get to our destination, marriage.
Please, we need to pass through this stage. You cannot escape it in your relationship. You must come to that point where everything seems not to be working like you want them. It is part of it but only a stage. It will come and go. Many relationships never make it passed this stage.
Therefore, my dearest friends NEVER make a permanent decision when you are in STORMY STAGE. It is a temporal stage.

3. NORMAL STAGE: this is the third stage. Here everything is normal as you have successfully passed the second stage. No one is pretending any longer. Everyone become real. You know and understand your partner and accept them for who they are. You can tell, to an extent, what they can do and can decide if you can go all the way with him or her.

4. EXCELLENCE STAGE: in this stage, you have perfected all that are required of me. You can talk about marriage and go into it. People can now refer to your relationship as a standard.
Many relationships never made it to excellence stage. They died prematurely. This could be because we want fairy-tale relationships and we forget to go through the right stages. We neglect what we have and do not bother to figure out whatever the problem is so we could look for someone else that will take us back to the pretending stage where everything is rosy.

Please dearests, do not allow relationship die when you can still handle it. Do your best if you value it. It requires your efforts.

You can consult....ROSY ALL THE WAY (FOR SINGLES AND MARRIED by Omeke Prisca) for more.


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Love right
Marry right

ROAD TO A WOMAN'S HEART - MAKE HER FALL COMPLETELY IN LOVE

ROAD TO A WOMAN'S HEART  - MAKE HER FALL COMPLETELY IN LOVE

***Love her sincerely. You must not buy her a car to prove your love. Your actions does it. Do not pretend you love her.

*** Understand with her when she says she is not in the mood to make love. A woman is under obligation to satisfy her husbands sexual urge. But please, my dear men, when she has  GOOD reason not to live up to expectation, try and understand her. We understand how you feel when the urge is there but please don't rape her. Love making is better enjoyed when both partners are in the mood for it.
NOTE: WOMEN, PLEASE DON'T COME WITH GOOD REASONS EVERYDAY. BODY NO BE FIREWOOD. DO NOT PUSH HIM TO THE LADY NEXT DOOR AND EXPECT HIM TO REMAIN AN ANGEL.

****Make her feel secured with you. Protect her always. Stand by her always. Never abandon her when she needs you especially in critical situations. You don't need to deposit huge amount in her account monthly. There is difference between money and a shoulder to lean on. When she needs just an advice, your money can't give her any.

****Compliment her always. Her "ugly" face doesn't mean you can't tell her how nice she is. You must have a reason to have chosen to be with her. Don't you? Tell her how happy you are to have found her. Compliments keep your relationship alive.

*****Do not compare her with another especially your past partners. No one has it all. You are advised to go for one you can manage. So, out of all your past partners,  she should be the most manageable. Why compare her to another?

***Do not shout at her. There are better  ways to talk to a lady than shout. Do you ever wonder why women feel so bad when their husbands eat out when they wrong them? Don't you know they would  prefer to be shouted at or beaten (some)?

***Do not lie to her. Make her understand and trust you. Lies can break trust and when trust is broken, she might never trust you again. Trust is so delicate. You can break her heart and she will forgive you and the bond between you could become stronger when you make up but she might never trust you again when trust is broken. So be careful. Trust bonds love.

***Do not cheat on her. I define cheat as quality time not spent together. You can read more on my article on "the underhand lover - 1 ( https://citymoonblog.wordpress.com/2016/06/01/the-underhand-lover-by-prisca-omeke/?blogsub=confirming#subscribe-blog) and 2 ( http://chikawrites.com/2016/06/15/the-underhand-lover-2-by-prisca-omeke/)". Spend quality time with her. Make her your closest friend, confidant and gossip partner. Tell her all your secrets, not to another.

***Respect her. Give her room for suggestion when there is something you want to do. Do not take decisions alone. Remember the saying "two  good heads are better than one". Carry her along. Make her belong. Make her part of you and she will adore you forever.

***Love her family. A woman will never love you completely when you hate her family. Love her family and see the difference.

***Do not correct her in the public or before a visitor. When she makes a mistake,  cover up for her immediately in a way that no one would sense or read meaning into. That shows love.

*** Love her children. You bring out the beast in a woman when you don't love and care  for her children especially the ones she has with you.

***Do not discuss her with your friends. Let her ill behaviours be with you alone. Do not discuss things that transpired between you with your friends. Discuss it with her and find solution(s). Only get family involved when you cannot proffer a better solution.

The road to a woman's heart is not far.
Look within. It is just an easy and  simple journey.

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