YOU SHOULD KNOW

One of most common problems in marriage today is anxiety, a condition most couples experience due to unrealistic expectations in marriage. Expectations are ‘strong’ ideologies that something will happen or is likely to happen.

It could be based on past experiences such as accomplishments, failures, goals, beliefs and the emotional state of the mind. As much as expectations can come with important benefits in marriage, they are also the root of many marital conflicts.

Today, the number of men falling into depression is rising greatly, either as a result of their failures to meet their own expectations or the expectations of their wives. Here are a few things you can do to reduce the pressure on your husbands.

Meet your expectations

When you remove expectations from your marriage, you become more mindful and you are able to secure the benefits of living in the present rather than the past. The expectations that often weigh your husband down may be caused by his desire to satisfy your needs, especially if you find it difficult to compromise. Unfortunately, your demands will continue to breed insecurity in your marriage but when you stop expecting him to meet your expectations, he will feel more comfortable and vulnerable with you also.

Read your mind

One of the most common complaints from many women in marriage today is not getting help from their husbands at home. Unfortunately the problem is not as complex as it seems if you communicate as a couple. Bear in mind that your husband is not a mind reader and cannot understand what you want unless you tell him. Do not assume that your husband should know that you need help, be specific about your needs. It only takes a few words to make the difference rather than expecting him to figure things out for himself.

Honour your time

Some women have a very unpleasant habit of using their own time for their husbands so that things can get done quickly and in their own time too. As ambitious as that may sound, it can send the wrong signal, making your husband feel incompetent while you continue to play his role and yours together. Stop expecting your husband to do things using your own time alone, be considerate and learn to wait for his directives too.

Change for you


Marriage takes a great amount of patience and endurance, especially when you marry a man who has completely different values from yours and you start to wish that you could change him. Unfortunately, when two different habits and personalities cohabit, it exposes the good, the bad and the ugly sides of each person.

Trying to change your husband is as difficult as trying to change yourself. It is a process that is not impossible but may be difficult to achieve. When you stop expecting your husband to change, you will begin to focus on the positives rather than the negatives.

Give complete love

Although marriage comes with the vows of unconditional love; in reality today, many couples find it difficult to enjoy this kind of love. Every woman wants to feel loved by her husband, however, your husband may find it difficult to feel love himself, especially if he has a different understanding of loved from his childhood.

LIVE RIGHT
LOVE RIGHT
MARRY RIGHT

WHY MARRY?

Dont marry for sex.
Dont marry because u admire wedding gowns.
Dont marry because u need someone to assist u financially.
Dont marry because u ve seen a romantic, handsome guy/ beautiful lady u dont want to lose to another person.
Dont marry because of ur age [ur friends are getting married].
Dont marry because u got pregnant.

Marry because u want to be a help mate, because u want to fulfill a purpose, etc [ur reason].

Live right
love right
marry right

MY JUDGEMENT "THE SPECIAL ONE"

MY JUDGEMENT "THE SPECIAL ONE"


Marriage is a wonderful thing. Yes.
But you do not rush into it.
You need prayers, blessings from both parents (parents of the two partners involved) and studying / knowing your partner and the tradition better.
In as much as prayer is good, the other two tell more about a partner.

What do I mean?

When you create time for yourselves,  you study and find out if you can MANAGE or TOLERATE (not ENDURE) the flaws of your partner because he or she will never be PERFECT. When you involve so much sex and look at his or her huge pocket, your reasoning and judgement will be bias.

If your parents welcome him and his welcomes you whole heartedly, then it is a plus because they will stand by you in not-too-rosy situations which will definitely come.

PRAYERS good. But you may not get to know God's answers. Only few do. The answers you think come from God may be your thinking which is usually influenced by what we call love or the pocket size and spending weight of your partner.

FINE.
PLACE, TRADITION and FAMILY matter a lot in marriage.
Example is OSU-CASTE-SYSTEM, many do not regard it but it is a very important thing to look out for in my place. BEING TOO CHURCHY NO REACH THERE OOO.
In some places, Some offer their wives as kola to visitors,etc.

So you have to take your making decisions about marriage personal.
You know what you want. Place them side by side and ask yourself if you can cope with that partner you call "the special one". If you can, then go without any mixed feeling and make your marriage work.

NOTE: character is an individual's way of life and not community's. So do not judge a person by his or her community.  There is sense in nonsense. So good thing can come from the dustbin.

LIVE RIGHT
LOVE RIGHT
MARRY RIGHT

WOMEN CHANGING NAMES AFTER MARRIAGE

ON MY MIND: WOMEN CHANGING NAMES AFTER MARRIAGE DIDN'T COME WITH CHRISTIANITY.
 BY
REV. FR. ERNEST MAKATA

I was just arguing with someone that Christianity never requested any married woman to change to her husband's name and he was aghast I could say such things. But it's true! Women changing their last names(Surnames) to that of their husband's came with colonialism and not Christianity. It is the BRITISH CULTURE.

IT IS  NOT EVEN AN IGBO CULTURE FOR WOMEN TO CHANGE THEIR LAST NAMES AFTER MARRIAGE.

In fact, women who wedded in the 70s and even 80s in Nigeria not only lost their maiden surnames but also lost their own first names too, when called together with their husband's in social functions. Thus, couples then were called Mr and Mrs Samuel Makata, using my parents for example. When the woman goes out on a function, she is addressed again as Mrs Samuel Makata, taking my mother for example.

Now, if  you doubt my position, those who are married should go and check the marriage documents issued by the Church at their wedding and see if the woman's surname was ever changed.

I am not against women changing their maiden names to that of the man. No! You can use that and it seems more suitable following popular practice in this case. But knowledge is power. Let us not act out of ignorance or say that the Church says what it didn't say.

Changing maiden names by women after marriage MAY mean submission to the authority of the husband. So, it is encouraged. Even though we know it is not a guarantee of a submissive and obedient married women in the long run.

In many European countries, just like in traditional Igbo culture, happily married women retain their maiden names.

It's good you know this. You can disagree with me with facts anyway. It's an open space.

Here are some comments.

Mathew Ezea said "In Germany for instance,  a woman is asked before church wedding which surname she wishes to bear.  In other words, she is free to retain hers or take up her husband's. This too corroborates your submission that it is not Christianity that brought the culture of women changing their names to those of their husbands"

Ezeugwu Okike said "You are right. Perfectly. I for sure know that it was not the Igbo tradition"

I remember a couple of months back, when we discussed this with Mac Ugo. I am still of the opinion that women retain their median name while adding to it their husband's.

In Mazi Ikechukwu Mamah words "My wife even through wanted to be Oluchi Mamah, still remains Oluchi Ndukwe-Mamah, I insisted".

According to Ijeoma Jovita "In support of your position, my two grand mothers didn't change their surnames. Though women are trying to revert it. By elongation"

Chinwendu Oguoma Fidel commented thus "Thanks Duf, indeed  knowledge is power, l like it when lam addressed by my maiden name".


Chimnonso Paul Ochada said "It is a common practice in Nigeria which I thought  was an article of faith until now. In fact, one needs legal permission to do that in some parts of Italy. According to them, it brings confusion to their records".

In as much as many women do not like this change of maiden name after marriage, Some women like it so that people will know they are already married so they could command that respect  given to married women.


We need to hear your own Opinion.
Feel free to comment.

Live right
Love right
Marry right